Wonderings 9

I remember when I was starting out at Poetry. Every poem was written in a notebook. For years this was how I started poems, then I would type them up onto the PC. What happened to me was I became framed by the page. I ended up in a routine, as if programmed, to write a poem for each page. I never thought of going beyond the page. My poems became twenty five lines maximum. My work stalled. And I hadn't even realised.

One day in 2018 I typed a poem straight off. Then I did another and another. It felt liberating. I was like the jogger who for some reason started out with a weighted vest. He noticed he was not improving anymore so took off the weighted vest. After that, he went for miles. Now I write poems of fifty lines with ease. I had told myself I was incapable.

Sometimes changing your routine as a writer will open your eyes to what you have conditioned yourself to believe.

Sometimes when I get frustrated with someone it's only because I have seen myself in their ways. We all reflect each other at some point. Keep it calm.

If you are constantly looking at the time. Then you are living a life that doesn't suit you. Time doesn't exist for people are living life that is true to them.

The loneliest tree will live the same life as one in a wood. It stays true to itself all year round. The tree doesn't have to go searching for a wood to belong too. Or hide behind a wall in fear of being alone. It's happy to be itself.

Being emotionally dependent on anything that is not nature based is when a human will bring trouble to the mind.

I have had depression and anxiety. Never took a pill for either. Maybe I got lucky. Both made my life very difficult. Both brought me to my knees.

 

It took me awhile but I re-evaluated my life and took big decisions. Stop drinking on weekends, change my image, change my outlook. As well as changing smaller things like drink more water, read more, stay in the present longer, listen to my body. It was slow progress. But today I am a stronger person for it. And happier.

Termites go into wood and destroy it. They make it rot far quicker than anything else on earth, except fire. Think about the people that get into our own heads. Some are termites. So think about who is, then slowly turn away from them. The biggest termites for me were always fellow workers, but then I left the place. Sometimes family can be, and old mates I don't see anymore. You have to brave, but calm. Find the source and route it out.

We live in a socety where questions such as

 

'Where you working now?'

 

'Are you married?'

 

'Have you any kids?'

 

'Where you living these days?'

 

'Have you got a mortgage?'

 

'Any holidays this year?'

 

 

 

You can give great answers to all these and the questioner will look at you and be happy. Maybe. Or jealous that you may be living a better life than them.

 

None of those questions hold any substance. Every one of those questions can be affected by the randomness of life. Some people suffer more than others, while other people have other ways of looking at the world they live. Some of those questions are meaningless.

 

I could live in a wooden hut, no electric, no kids, no partner, no holidays, no job and be happy. Watching a wood change from winter to spring is something I enjoy. Or hear a blackbird or robin singing.

 

There's a feeling of judgement, even the person scaling you as a human being. Don't be caught up in the fact you have to work four on/four off or split shifts in a factory. Working overtime is only if you need it. Some people are lucky with savings while others struggle. Don't be downhearted by thinking someone with a mortgage, kids, cars, holidays, and what job they have is better than your own. If they come across as having a better life, then you are already ahead of them as a person.

Some stones are rougher than others. But none are more important when building a wall.

Emotions are like clouds. They come and go. Some stay longer than others, but they eventually leave. While others are gone in a few minutes. Knowing the sky is still above is what will be important to letting the clouds leave. You can always go back to yourself when the emotions float away. What's the point in keeping clouds until they make you wet?

Willow Warblers are small birds. Between  10.5cm and 11.5cm in size. They travel from Africa every year to breed here. then take their new family home. Has anyone asked are humans migrating while we live on this earth? Maybe we're in the in between of something far grander

Not so long back an old friend said to me in their own wedding 'You need to start living your life' at the time it threw me and I came up with an answer. But when I thought about it the next day it made me realise how this old friend had become exactly that. Old. I had moved on, and started to do the things that meant something to me by moving away from such questions. Whether he agreed or not with how I live today didn't matter. And still doesn't. Everyday I do something I love. I think that's as close to living ones life as any.

Live with what you are interested in. You can't be a good golfer with a cricket bat or create beautiful oil paintings while wearing rigger gloves. Look at what you enjoy doing then go for it. If you involve others that don't like it, or you don't do something for the sake of other's opinions, then you may aswell live with one arm behind your back. You will never get the most of your life.

The wind glides or pushes its way through the earth. We have one window open in the house. The wind comes in but then where does it go? It gets lost. It falls to nothing on the floor. Learning needs to be allowed to swirl through us, hence we need more than one outlook on life. Otherwise everything we can learn just falls to the floor.

Sit at a fields edge and watch how grass lives. The way the weather tries to manipulate and even destroy the blades. Its strength is in its roots. Even if hacked down, it will come back. Think about what roots you are creating within yourself. How strong are you when hacked down?

Alcohol is a great way to hide who you are. Once you start to hide yourself away then you hide from what bugs you. We all have holes and hills behind us. It doesn't hurt facing those holes and hills and pushing one into the other to flatten things out.

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When someone laughs or smiles they should do it with their whole body. The body is connected to create symphony. If some of the instruments are not in tune then you know the reaction is not real.

The man sleeping in the shop doorway is no less than the man who owns a five thousand acre estate. It is the person who thinks it, that is less

All the sayings on this page mean nothing if all they do is make people agree or disagree. Opening your thoughts from the vice of modern society is all I am trying to do. There is no right way to live or write. But being adaptable, available, open like a flower head towards the sun, will be more beneficial.

If you could have a half-time chat during the course of your day. Even pause time itself. And have ten to twenty minutes thinking about how you are. Knowing the only way you would get points is by being a good human. Not just towards humans but to nature aswell. How many of us would change our tactics to achieve this?

 

Every day take time to stop for a moment to think about how you are behaving

Today I mopped the kitchen, cleaned the window sills, washed pots, wiped down the kitchen sides and cupboard doors. Not once did I sigh or shake my head from frustration. It was a pleasure to do.

 

Anything else on top was a bonus, poems written, books read, poems read, new thoughts growing. And the bonuses were heightened by the simplicity of my daily tasks.

Migrating geese call to each other as they fly over. From the time they set off until the time they land they are one organism. Never yielding in their hope of finding their home. Helping each other through storms, rain, clouds, night. We can learn from their togetherness, and no excuse meaning to how they want to live.

I experience this quite frequently. If you try to improve yourself through progressive thought. Then you come across an old mate or friend you never see anymore. And they make a comment or sly remark about how you are or how you live. You may get fired up knowing you have improved, or even upset. But please think before you react. It is not you that hasn't improved/changed, it is them.

Every now and then say this to yourself

 

'One day I will be dead'

 

see how you feel at such a thought.

No person can beat you other than yourself. We think the outside is having an influence but it is not. It is only our own denial. Ignore the world outside your skull. It does not exist.

We all start on different rungs of the ladder. In whatever field you take up you have to think ahead. Take each rung as it comes but make sure you climb as high as you can. There is no limit to this. Someone climbing one rung is the same as someone climbing a hundred

Imagine if you built a house. The house had a roof, a door, garden, utilities, carpets and furnishings. But then you leave out the windows. The house is then exposed to all the elements. The weather can only be predicted. Nothing is certain up there in sky. Now imagine the elements as the future of your own life. Some days hot other days wet. There is nothing you can do regarding the things that will happen. All you can do is build what you can and hope it supports you all the way.

A pen is a pipe to leak your thoughts through. If it gets jammed up go and do some housework. Or better still do something you hate doing. Kick in the adrenalin. When you come back if the pen works, ask yourself 'Why did it stop?' Your answer will be in what task you had previously done. The mind needs more than sitting at a desk.

A poet should never be concerned with the world. It's too big to write about. But if the poet can keep writing about the sinews of life then that will make the joints stronger. And a better planet will it become.

A flower will try and entice insects to take its pollen. Many devices can bring attention to its delights. It stands in rain, sun, frost, snow, thunder, drought, fog and pollution.  If you can spend tomorrow in a manner where people come to you. And you know you can give them something in return. Shouldn't you be like that in all weathers?

A raindrop is shaped like a bun. It's our eyes that make it appear teardrop shaped. Someone with a frown may appear moody or angry. But it could actually be the shape of their forehead that makes the eyebrows appear lower.

When we're born we are given a kit to get through life. We all have different kits. Some are more organised than others. While some are fitter than others. The people who have the best quality of life are the ones who realise these kits. Then bring in the right people for their own short comings. If you have the same people in your life then you will only tick some boxes. One tick is all you need in a box, not ten. Ticking as many as you can is the key.

See that cloud above your head? Now, think about where that cloud has come from. We have a perception that is circles the earth hiding the sun or bringing rain. But the cloud is changing. It may look still and drawn onto the sky. At times it even looks solid. Our minds are the same. The skull gives off a solid view, and the brain stays the same shape. But look at our mind, it changes all the time. It's what shape we change it to that matters.

It's not the issue that humans keep getting health problems. New ones appear every year. The issue is lacking the wisdom to think we are trying to change an animal into a new species. Then expect this new animal to carry on as if nothing has happened. The body needs nature!

My dog, the best friend I have ever had, starts every day as a new day. He never holds on what I was like yesterday. He never says I am impatient, grumpy, quiet, rude, shy, unsocial, indecisive, selfish, spiteful, and other faults of mine. He gets up, has a stretch, yawns, howls, wags tail then lives his day. Happy to be fed, to be walked, to have water, to be cuddled, to have a friend. Why do we strive for more happiness when a simple life is more? I need to live like him.

Make a list of five things you love doing. Put them onto paper and hang them up somewhere prominent. A door, kitchen, headboard, back of living room door. Then try and routine one a day into your life. Do all five on your days off. If you cannot achieve this then why are you calling your life, living?

The winter birds are here. Their songs add structure to the woods. There is a sound of life. They never waver in their joy of coming across the seas or miles of landscape. But how much can they hear when car engines fill the air? Or where do they stay when trees are felled? Birds are the most faithful of creatures. They still believe we will offer them a world to live in.

Put your hand in a river feel the water cover your skin. Try and pick it up, hold what you can in your hand. Someone else may have done the same ten thousand miles away. And because you don't know who it is you have no fear in sharing such a moment. There are no isms in water.

If every bird on the planet was caged up would their body and character change? Of course it would. Now look at yourself. We are caged by laws, bills, ego, social media, stress, money, politics, career goals, health worries. Have these things changed our bodies, minds, character? Release yourself and fly.

You can take nature out of your home, but you cannot take nature out of yourself.

There was a time when lying next to trickling water was a natural way to be ourselves. Now we are clothed, comforted, cradled, and lost. The wedge of our desires is being hammered between us and nature every day. But what will we gain when we snap in two?

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Our whole lives are balanced on this earth. Take away gravity and we fall as if we don't exist. Imagine if you could train your mind to do such a thing with emotions. How much room would your planet now have?

Find a natural place to stand bare footed. Let the earth reach into your bones. If you have no place then go the beach and fill a sink bowl full of sand and pebbles. Stand in it before you go to bed each night. See what it does to your sleep....

If someone says to you 'You know a lot' and I mean it could be about anything in life. Answer back with 'I know little, but I only say what's in my head'

 

No human can say they know a lot. Our minds soak up and remember so much more than what we can handle. The key is to keep the mind ticking over. Through nourishment, or nurturing. The mind is like a jug collecting rain for a weather station

If a tree was taken out of the ground then given to you to plant. And the place had to be the place you loved the most. Would the tree grow? Take away the 'love the most' part and think of the best  place to grow the tree. Would you take it there?

 

If yes then should this place become the place you love?

The wolf pack circles the elk then give chase. The elk stay in a group, running like one organism. Then the group starts to scatter. The wolves run faster, using their senses to know who to chase. Soon the elk have lost all togtherness. Then the wolves pick one elk. The weakest member. The elk runs and runs until the wolves catch it.

 

No matter what you do in life hunt down your weakest points

In the human zoo that we inhibit, our human nature is diluting. Many years from now humans will be empty of what they are. Our senses will be diminished, instincts vanished, creatvitiy lost, the compass points forgotten. Then all we will be is walking death. At this moment we are clinging on like a monkey on the last branch of the last tree

How many trees are side by side and they grow between each other? Their branches never touch, never fight for space, never place their weight on each other, never bully or argue. They see what each other has and they go their own way through life. Knowing the more trees the better the planet. How many countries would benefit by being multi-cultural? This is what a wood is.

Our whole lives are built on a foundation of being in a jungle. This is where we came from and it still lies somewhere. Feeding that need by going around nature, sitting under a tree, walking in a wood will allow that jungle side to be fed. In return the jungle will stay happy, knowing it can still be itself. And our emotions will be easier to understand.

All we do is regurgitate poems. Whether the body allows us to have all the poem is not up to us. Hence sometimes you can read aloud a poem and change a word as you go along. Without thought.